"Nothing, I Just Helped Him Cry"

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"  

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:  

 

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"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
  Rebecca - age 8  

 

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"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4  

 

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"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
  Karl - age 5  

 

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"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
  Chrissy - age 6

 

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"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4  

 

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"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."      

Danny - age 7  

   

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"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8  

 

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"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."    

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)  

   

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"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"  

Nikka - age 6  

 
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

 

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"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."    
  Noelle - age 7  

 

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"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
  Tommy - age 6  

 

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"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."  
 
Cindy - age 8  

 

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"My mommy loves me more than any body.
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6  

 

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"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5  

     

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"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt."
  Chris - age 7  

 

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"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4  

 

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"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4    

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"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an  image)

Karen - age 7   

 

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"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."    

Jessica - age 8  

  

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And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.  

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

I Never Saw Your Heart

This is one testimonial that was given from a friend about me.

“I never saw your heart, that’s how close you kept it.”

Sometimes it makes me wonder, “Do I?”

Well, I guess I am building walls. Thick and hard. 

No one can ever enter. 

You can knock and I’ll let you in, but when you disappoint me in a way that’s just making me hurt, 

I’ll build a thicker and harder wall.

No, you may never saw my heart. That’s how close I kept it. :)

Quote Of The Day

"Go out there. Explore. Don't just live in your own bubble and hate the world."

 Diana Rikasari

:'(

This is a story about a stupidity I just did, on November 16.

So after work I have to go to Naripan street because I had this ‘appoinment’.

I’m still new to this Cikutra neighborhood 

so I asked my friend how to get to Naripan.

And when I got off work at 4PM, I went straight there.

I don’t really know the path, and by 5PM and still on the road,

I began to panic. 

But—when I saw the car passing through Palasari, 

I took a deep breath and thought, “Just a moment and I’ll be fine.”

I was wrong.

The car, which the only passanger left is me, 

start to go to this diretion I don’t know. 

The car doesn’t stop and I began to panic, again. 

This time more.

*I don’t like talking about this, so here’s what happened*

I  got taken away... Lost my money... Being alone in the middle of nowhere.. and I’m really scared.

I am 22 years old, and that time I was crying on the road.

Since I have no money, I walked and walked. 

I was scared, with no money, blisters on my feet, and it’s raining.

I’m hungry too, I haven’t ate anything since 12 PM. 

And there I was. In front of Nada Music Store. So I texted M. 

Then standing waited for him to pick me up.

I thought that I’ll be crying when I see him, tell him how bad that day was, 

and hoped that in his arms I’ll feel save.

I never saw him that day.

I stood for about 40 minutes when finally with my last money I decided to go home.

I was too tired and just wanted my bed.

And he replies asking me to go to another place to meet him.

I was waiting just to see him, and after waiting in the rain and stuff, 

I found out that he left me.

You left me. 

And I just waited in vain. I felt like an idiot.

Do you have any idea how I felt?

And so I went home, scared and my heart hurts really bad. 

I cried on the way home. 

Didn’t care about the people that watches me.

I hate how much I love you that I couldn’t leave you. 

Like you just did.

Other girls would definitly doesn’t want to see him anymore.

And days afterwards, I still cried sometimes, and while writing this, I cried too.

I forgot that every men will leave you just when you needed them the most.

Maybe I asked so much for attention. Maybe I did.

And so I said to myself. “No. You have to stop needing him.”

You have to stop, Stephanie.

This Is: So Me :D

Membaca tulisan-tulisannya Miund soal diabetic tipe 2, 

how she suprisingly had to change her life instantly because 

her body can't be as effective as the usual to produce what-we-called insulin. 

Ah. An important thing which sometimes we forget. Health.

Well, after reading many her twitter post, 

I figured that she made so many differences in her life,

before and after diabetic. 

And, like she said, the main reason she fight (and will do continuously)

is because she wants to take care of her family,

she loves her husband, and she wanted children.

One more thing we sometimes forget and abandoned too, 

family (or the ones you loved).

And It kinda gets me thinking too.

I was diagnostic to have this pancreas issues since 2008

-when I was 18 (going 19) years old.

*I am eighteen going on nineteen played in mind--nevermind*

At first I was feeling nausea all the time, and several minutes after a meal 

I usually vomintted. Not just once, but many times. 

Again and again. Every time I ate. 

Then I got admitted in the hospital. Three blood test. One USG. 

The first blood test analyzed that I got Thyphoid. 

But when I swallowed the antibiotics, 

the vomit-nausea thing become more often.

I can barely eat *graaahh* 

The second is for my ulcer to analized my bacteria in my stomach, 

and the third one also. 

Because the doctor didn't find anything strange,

he recommend me to take USG. (It's pain in the ass )

Actually it's for my stomach (and, yes, I felt like I was a pregnant woman

trying to see her squeking infant

but they didn't find anything strange, too.  

They find it in my pancreas.

My pancreas didn't work as good as it was, and as good as it should be.

 And it won't be coming like it used and should've be. Forever. Till I die.

That's why I can't eat.

That's why sometimes I my lungs felt like being override by something 

and suddenly I can't breathe and had to be breathing through my oxygen mask. 

There was times I have to sleep beside the oxygen tank at home b

ecause I fainted many times and my breath stopped. 

This 'something' in my pancreas pushed my lungs, and my ribs,

narrowed my space to breathe. 

And why I felt so so tired all the time.

Well it was a very big shock. I cried for a long time, I cried on the phone,

I cried when everyone's gone, I cried untill I went to sleep.

'I'll be living like this till I die?' I thought.

And my life was never be the same since.

I tried to be an ovo-lacto vegetarian until today.

Sometimes I (have to) eat meat, but just once in a while.

I can't eat food that contained too many oils in it, 

because it will made me nausea and vomit again, 

I have to be really careful in my activities, 

I can't lift things that are heavy (hey, that's why there's something we called men)

I can't bring things that are heavy, 

I can't be too tired or having the lack of sleeping hours.

It doesn't really helped.

When I was in school sometimes I can only attend the first class, 

the second class is too tiring so I have to go home. 

Sometimes I ate breakfast which is not meat and 

still I got really dizzy, nausea, and then vomitted again.

Several times I got admitted in the hospital, 

just in a 3-4 weeks difference every time. 

I can't do hard sports anymore, or hiking, or watch midnight movies. 

And my school is failing. 

And--like the cherry on top, my boyfriend left me.

Just when I needed him the most. 

Guess that's what all men do, right?

Believe me, changing lifestyle whatsoever doesn’t help.

But, I tried my best to make efforts.

Why? I wanted to live longer.

I want to graduate, and have a family.

I still have a five years piano school.

I still have my mother whom I have to take care of I wanted to see my future children.

So I changed.

And as for me today, in 2011, almost four years after,

I don't feel many differences.

Just this week I found out that my chest is swelling, 

and it hurts even for just breathing. 

Then it spread to my ribs, and last night to my back. 

Don't ask how it feels. 

I can barely sleep, 

I just massage my back and hoped the pain will be over.

Then I got nausea, and vomitted again, I stopped eating rice with oil. 

got work, so I thought I might need extra energy,

I usually eat rice only at noon, then tried to have it on breakfast and noon, 

and sometimes at night too, but I'm sorry, it just doesn't worked out for me. I

got nausea, then vomitted on Wednesday. 

I didn't eat anything that day until 5PM.

Many girls deliberates no-eating habit. But do you girls know, I really want to eat as much as I can

I lost about five kilograms this year. Now I'm a 48 kilograms. 

And sometimes looking myself at the mirror, I kinda hate the reflection.

I looked like a walking skeleton. 

Almost all of my clothes now are too big, 

and I felt really tired everyday. 

It doesn't feel any good, you know? 

Just eat. Healthy meals, please.

Coba deh ngerasain kayak saya. 

Pengen banget makan ini-itu tapi lambung nggak nerima. 

Nggak ada orang normal yang habis muntah-muntah masih punya napsu maksan. 

Atau seandainya pas lagi bisa makan banyak, terus bisa makan malem juga, 

tetep aja angka di timbangan itu turun. 

Turun terus, pulak. 

Seneng? Nggaklah. 
Artinya, saya nggak normal. Dan nggak akan normal.

Ngeri ngebayangin kalau aja angka di timbangan itu turun terus, 

mau jadi apa saya akhir tahun depan?

Kemarin seharian ga makan gara-gara mual dan muntah ga berenti2.

Malemnya tetep ga bisa tidur, punggung sakit jadi pijitin sendiri. 

Tidur kurang tiga jam aja pagi ini berasa capeee banget jalan 500 meter aja.

Susah kan?

But still, I wanted to made the efforts.

Why? I still have school to graduate, 

mother to take care of, 

husband and children to discover, 

and four more years of piano school. 

No, not everything is vain. Not my life, definitly. 

Because ten years from know, you will regret the things 

you haven't or didn't done much more than the things you had and did. 

(Mark Twain)

So I will.

And Know I'm still working on a blog page that later

I'll published about good meals, good taste, and good for your body. I

ncluding the bible verses too, I hoped. 

(I don't really like talking about bible's doctrines, but there's a reason there's Leviticus 11.

When God said don't eat pigs, dogs, seafoods, sharks, etc,etc, there's a reason, you know?

Don't outsmart God. We're just fools.)

The Other Girl #2

Akhirnya, semuanya berganti dengan saling curiga, 
argumen, dan tuduhan. 
Saya tahu saya juga mengambil peran di cerita itu. 
Mungkin saya kurang perhatian, mungkin saya terlalu egois, 
dan segala macam kemungkinan lainnya 
yang membuat dia harus mencari itu dari orang lain, bukan saya. 

Pada akhirnya kami pisah. 
Tapi dengan 'kami' yang bertumbuh bersama, 
nggak semudah itu untuk nggak berkomunikasi. 

Nggak ada orang yang lebih mengerti dan memahami saya dibanding dia.

Dia tahu harus ngomong apa, tahu harus buat apa, 
tahu semua dan mengerti semua.
Dia keluarga saya.
Dia soulmate saya, dia dan saya sudah saling membagi separuh diri kami masing-masing in order of being together. For almost 6 years.

Saya selalu cemburu tiap dia dekat dengan orang lain, 
dan dia selalu menyembunyikan cewek-cewek itu. 
Dia juga marah waktu saya suka sama temen sekelas saya di kelas 3 SMA.
Intinya, we're not together anymore, but we're not ready to let go.

Saya capek. Saya butuh sesuatu yang stabil, 
butuh temen untuk cerita instead of being curious 
about what he said is true or not.
Dan saya (ternyata) memang butuh suatu peristiwa yang 
'besar' untuk akhirnya bisa move on.


Posisi diselingkuhin emang nggak enak, 
tapi posisi jadi selingkuhan lebih nggak enak lagi.


Waktu tahun 2009, suatu malam saya nelpon dia.
Saya lagi di Pangandaran, lagi bikin pemeriksaan gratis 
buat warga kurang mampu di sana. 
Dan betapa terkejutnya saya ketika yang 
mengangkat telpon adalah perempuan. Jam sebelas malam.
Definitly not a friend. 
Saya kaget. Dia menyimpan dengan begitu rapi sehingga saya sama sekali nggak tahu kalau we're no longer single people.
The only single person is me, between us. 


Malam itu, kembali, luluh lantak hati saya.
Dan posisi menyebabkan saya harus bisa bersikap biasa saja.
Itu juga sulit.


Belakangan saya tahu mereka udah jalan bareng dari Februari. 
Damn. 

Now I'm the other girl. 
I'm the one people hate in the movies.

Another 'enough' from me. 

It was the last time I ever called him. Until today.


Saya nggak bisa kayak gitu terus. Saya nggak mau jadi the other girl. 
Saya harus dan butuh untuk completely move on. 


and I did.

Dan untuk kamu:
Saya nggak bilang ini semua sia-sia. Hanya saja peran saya dan peran kamu di kehidupan kita sudah habis. 
It was great, tapi nggak perlu diperpanjang lagi. 
God be with ye. 
(or in the language we all know: Goodbye)

 

The Other Girl #1

Every story has an ending.

Saya tahu. Waktu itu saya sadar dia lagi deket sama orang lain. 

Awalnya menghindar.

Tapi semua cewek juga pasti punya radar yang sama. 

Saya tahu.

Puncaknya, waktu ulang tahun sepupu saya yang diadain di villa istana bunga,

saya dan dia dateng barengan. 

Rencananya saya mau nginep hari itu. 

Kejadian itu waktu saya kelas 2 SMA. Oma saya lagi sakit, kanker pankreas. 

Dan waktu itu saya harus bisa juggling antara sekolah, 

ngurus rumah, dan ngurus Oma. 

Sering saya pulang sekolah langsung ke rumah buat beres-beres, 

balik ke rumah sakit, tidur di sana, 

paginya berangkat sekolah lagi dari rumah sakit.

And believe me, it was never easy. 

Tidur di sofa keras yang bahkan kurang panjang untuk kaki saya, 

ditambah sakit punggung karena kayu di sofa itu, sungguh bukan pemandangan menarik. 

Dan hari itu saya capek banget, dan menangis. 

Logikanya harusnya dia nemenin saya, setidaknya. 

Tapi there he was, downstairs, berdua with this other-girl. 

Dan barulah saya tahu mereka memutuskan untuk pulang bareng. Damn. 

'Mentang-mentang gua mau nginep,nih.' Pikir saya.

Akhirnya saya memutuskan pulang, 

dan saking ngambeknya saya duduk di kursi belakang, 

dan nyuruh si other-girl ini duduk di depan. 

Tadinya mereka memang mau pulang berdua kan? 

Kenapa mereka suruh saya duduk di depan (like I used to)

Saya diam sepanjang jalan.

Nggak, mereka emang nggak pernah jadian.

Tapi sepenting apa sih status itu?

Toh, pada akhirnya dia lebih memilih nelpon other-girl. 

Lebih memilih meng SMS dia. 

Lebih memilih jalan bareng dia. 

Ngobrol sama dia. Semuanya sama dia, dan bukan sama saya. 

Buat saya itu sudah cukup.

Luluh lantak sudah hati saya.