Thursday, November 24, 2011


This is a story about a stupidity I just did, on November 16.
So after work I have to go to Naripan street because I had this ‘appoinment’.
I’m still new to this Cikutra neighborhood 
so I asked my friend how to get to Naripan.
And when I got off work at 4PM, I went straight there.
I don’t really know the path, and by 5PM and still on the road,
I began to panic. 

But—when I saw the car passing through Palasari, 
I took a deep breath and thought, “Just a moment and I’ll be fine.”

I was wrong.

The car, which the only passanger left is me, 
start to go to this diretion I don’t know. 
The car doesn’t stop and I began to panic, again. 
This time more.
*I don’t like talking about this, so here’s what happened*
I  got taken away... Lost my money... Being alone in the middle of nowhere.. and I’m really scared.

I am 22 years old, and that time I was crying on the road.

Since I have no money, I walked and walked. 
I was scared, with no money, blisters on my feet, and it’s raining.
I’m hungry too, I haven’t ate anything since 12 PM. 
And there I was. In front of Nada Music Store. So I texted M. 
Then standing waited for him to pick me up.

I thought that I’ll be crying when I see him, tell him how bad that day was, 
and hoped that in his arms I’ll feel save.

I never saw him that day.

I stood for about 40 minutes when finally with my last money I decided to go home.
I was too tired and just wanted my bed.

And he replies asking me to go to another place to meet him.

I was waiting just to see him, and after waiting in the rain and stuff, 
I found out that he left me.
You left me. 
And I just waited in vain. I felt like an idiot.

Do you have any idea how I felt?

And so I went home, scared and my heart hurts really bad. 
I cried on the way home. 
Didn’t care about the people that watches me.

I hate how much I love you that I couldn’t leave you. 
Like you just did.
Other girls would definitly doesn’t want to see him anymore.
And days afterwards, I still cried sometimes, and while writing this, I cried too.

I forgot that every men will leave you just when you needed them the most.

Maybe I asked so much for attention. Maybe I did.

And so I said to myself. “No. You have to stop needing him.”

You have to stop, Stephanie.

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