In Hard Times..

Readers dear..

Saya boleh curhat? Saya curhat ya?

This week has been.. I dunno. Difficult? Well every week in our lives are difficult I think, in our kind of way.

I hate the feeling when I think I’m right about something, then it turns real..

Do you people think that playing and learning piano is something unuseful? For me, playing piano is not just a hobby, but it keeps me sane. It helps me stay on my feet, be okay, be happy. It’s like a therapy. A stress-free therapy. I’m not really good on playing piano, but I think.. I do love it.

And saying that it is something uneuseful and wasting my time just kills my feeling.

And it was my family who said that (exclude Mom and Grandma)

*sigh*

I thought this conversation is over when my grandfather died. I never learned piano becase he said ‘Apa gunanya?’

And I heard that kind of statement again this week. I hate fighting, really. But now I’m starting to fight over the same and same thing again.

And I’ve been working for about three months now. And my family says that it was wasting my time, there’s no need to, never asked me to get a job, blah blah blah..yet they asked for my salary. *sigh* you know..I’m really confused..

I want to spend it for some things and stuffs that I need.. (include my teeth that keeps hurting and needs a surgery) but then, again they complained about my lifestyle..err..which one? I don’t have new clothes, gadgets, or whatsoever..and they asked for my salary. So I worked for you guys, huh??

Families are the ones who supposed to understands and support you the most. Maybe I don’t have one anymore. Since grandma died. Maybe she was my only family. And now I’m alone.

 
And the other difficult. Alone and lonely has a very different meaning. I don’t mind being alone, but sometimes I’ts hard when you’re crying alone..and people don’t care, right? It’s much funner to hang around with your friends, laughing, having fun, than staying at home and comfort a girl with the same problem everyday.

Who would pick me over funtime?

And I thinked again, ‘Jelas, sama Bea akan lebih sulit..and it’s really easier for him to find another.’

*sigh* I felt lonely sometimes.

I never asked anyone to go through this journey, no.

In hard times, it’s hard to find someone who would stay. My daddy don’t.

Ahaha.. I’ve been talking randomly. :p

Maaf ya, ga ada temen ngomong. Waktu saya ngeluh juga dibilang ‘ngeluh mulu’ waktu complain dibilang ‘complain mulu’ waktu worrying dibilang ‘worrying mulu’

Ditanya ‘gimana?’ tapi begitu dijawab digituin. Capek ah. Jadiii…

Saya nggak ngeluh-ngeluh lagi. Anggep aja saya lagi patah hati—dan berusaha untuk move on. Pelan-pelan.

Belajar sendiri. Menghilang. Lalu nggak kembali lagi.